I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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