i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
