i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
