You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish my penis had a tongue
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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