Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just had sex on a roof
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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