I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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