I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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