I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
