You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
