:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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