I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
