Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
