You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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