just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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