Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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