I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
