One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
