Jerry, you need to find god
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
