There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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