marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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