All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
