she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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