so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
