Life is so much better after having sex.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
