I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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