If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
