Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
