I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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