There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
