then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
