Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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