Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
