i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
