dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
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