omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
