so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
