um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
