thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
