how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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