Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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