Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
