I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Porn is love you can see.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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