take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
