operation have a gay friend backfired
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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