Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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