I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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