everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
