shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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