I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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