I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
