While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
