so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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