i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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