ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize