It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
