im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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