I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
