My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
