: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
