he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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