I could make wine with my vomit
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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