Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
