she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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