apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
