CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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