Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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