my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
