She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
