I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
