Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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