you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize